Day 45

Matt joined me on my walk today.  We didn’t go very far, only just over 2 miles, and we had to go slow because we were talking and I still can’t breathe well, but it was nice.  Afterwards he was trying to lift his weights, and I showed him some focused exercises to do.  He was lifting 20 pounds an arm, and the reps he was doing seemed fairly easy for him.  But once he started the ones I showed him, he had to take five pounds off each weight.  It was nice helping him with that.  I’m wondering more and more if this is something I’d like to do as a career.

So yesterday I was happy with myself.  Matt and I have been seeing those commercials for that Double Down sandwich at KFC.  I looked it up online, and it would have been well within my calories yesterday.  So he and I went and ordered one each.  I was thinking chicken, not so bad, right?  I forgot that they fry it.  I saw all the grease and was so grossed out.  I could only manage two small bites.  It was disgusting.  I handed mine to Matt, drank my water, and made myself a salmon wrap with spinach, broccoli sprouts, and hummus when I got home.  Much yummier.  But the thing is, that was the type of food I’d typically eat and enjoy.  And it wasn’t like before where I got thinking about the calories and was turned off, or didn’t eat it because I thought I shouldn’t, I did not appeal to me in any way.  So even though I bought the unhealthy sandwich, I still see it as a win.  I figure I’m going to have to relearn what I do and don’t like somehow.  Now I’m wondering if I’d even like the Big Mac if I got one.

I was telling Matt yesterday how I wish the same thing that’s happening with other foods would happen with sweets.  If I could wake up tomorrow and be turned off by ice cream and cakes and cookies, that would be simply splendid.  Because that is my huge weakness.

My birthday’s in just over a month, and I want a cupcake sooo badly.  Not even a whole cake, I would be happy just going to the store and buying two cupcakes, one for Matt and one for myself.  I’m sure I could fit it in my budget (they seem to run about 200 calories each), but it almost feels like I’m rewarding myself with food again, and I feel guilty about that.  Bleh, I don’t know.  I have a month to work out my feelings on that.