Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Day 84

So today I slept in.  Didn’t get home until almost 3.  And eating wasn’t as bad yesterday as I feared.  I went to Burger King, got the Whopper Jr. without cheese for 340 calories and the apple fries, which were 25 (I threw the caramel away).  Then I went to Wal-Mart, got some of that dark chocolate that I love and some gum, threw the gum and four pieces of chocolate in my purse (I only ended up eating two).  I had a small Diet Coke at Burger King, and two jumbo Diet Pepsis at the theater (most of that was drank while waiting in line for six hours).  I almost got a small bag of popped corn (just under 500 calories), but a girl in line behind me bought a bucket and offered me some.  I had a piece and realize that it wasn’t what I wanted.  So yay!

Today I’m just going to go out for a walk.  I work in the new store today (4-11, eek!), and between being opening week, the Wednesday before the 4th of July, and being in a huge tourist town, it’s probably going to be a busy night. 

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with my MWFs.  One reader suggested that maybe I was running too fast, but I doubt that was the case.  I more trot than ran, but I don’t know.  I might try again Monday, this time with a different route, see if that makes any difference.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Day 83

So tonight’s the opening of Eclipse, and I’m too hyped up about that to think about much else.  I’m going to be leaving in a few hours to run some errands before parking my tush in line for at least five hours.  I think I might walk an hour on the treadmill before leaving.

I’m going to eat a giant salad before I go, but I’ll probably end up eating some sort of fast food.  I’ve been looking online to see what I could eat from the restaurants in the area.  My options are McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, and Subway.  Subway’s the obvious option, but that branch is rather skuzzy.  Who knows what I’ll catch from eating there.  So I’m searching online to see what the healthiest foods at each place are, go into this well armed with information.  I’m also thinking about what sort of snacks I can bring with me so that I won’t be tempted by the munchies in the theater.  I’m going to get a large diet soda, so I know I’ll be bloated as hell tomorrow, but the water at the theater runs about three bucks for a small bottle.  And I can pound one of those no problem.

The places for the weight loss/wellness challenge mid-way point were released the other day.  I won both for our store, and placed 8th in our zone for the weight loss and 4th in our zone for wellness points.  No idea where I place compared to everyone in the store.  So yay for that.  I get two $25 gift cards for winning for the store.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Day 82

Weight:  148
BFP:  36%

Yay!  Even with a crazy high calorie day on Wednesday, I still dropped 4 pounds this week!

So today Matt and I drove a couple towns over to pick up this treadmill that this guy had out for free.  The display doesn’t work, but the rest does.  It’s great, I used it today while watching Twilight.  It’s a little louder than I’d like, but really, I can’t complain.  I prefer walking outside, but it will work well for the yucky days and during the winter.

I didn’t do my C25K training today.  I don’t know.  It seems like three minutes is all I can run without feeling like I’m going to die or my knees are going to break.  I think I’ll try doing something else on my MWFs, maybe the Nike training program.  At least for a while.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Day 81

So I cheated (kind of) and hopped back on the scale today.  Holding steady at 149, which is great.  I think I’m going to set another goal.  I want to be at 140 by my anniversary (August 16).  That’s just over 6 weeks away, which translates to losing 1.5 pounds a week.  I can do this!

I’m getting all excited.  I feel like I’m in the final stretch.  I’ve reached my half way point, it should be all down hill from here, right?  But I know that’s not the case, that the part that’s behind me was the easiest part.  It will only get harder from here.  I just have to stick with it and the pounds should keep coming off.  A little more slowly, but they should still drop.  I’ve done my research, I know the concepts, and I’ve done the math, so I shouldn’t encounter too many stumbling blocks.  I just have to keep recalculating my BMR and AMR, and stay in that range, and I should be fine.  I hope.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Day 80

So I did my C25K training today.  Aren’t these things supposed to get easier, not more difficult?  I’m thinking maybe I should change up my route again or something, because I had a hard time getting through today.  I mean, it wasn’t as bad as the first time I tried week 3, no where near, but it was still a little more difficult than it had been.  I’m going to try taking a different route on Monday, and maybe starting week 4 again.  Maybe that’s the kick in the tush that I need.

So I took my heart rate monitor on my walk today, and it was quite useful.  It also has a thing that tells you how far you’ve walked and how many miles per hour you’re walking, and I think I used those more than the monitor itself.  I’d check my speed, and if it dipped below where I wanted to be, I upped the intensity.  And made it back in an hour and thirty minutes.  It used to take me that to walk the four mile loop.

I was thinking the other day, back when I first moved here with my mum, we walked a couple times, just up to the end of the street and back.  One day we went further, almost three miles, and I thought I was going to die.  She suggested that maybe one day we could go even further, out over the highway, and I told her she was nuts.  There was no way I could ever walk that far.  Well, that’s the loop I’ve been walking four times a week.  I’m amazed at how far I’ve come.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Day 79

I know I keep saying this, but I’m so amazed I’ve made it this far.  Sure, I’ve had slips and tumbles, days when I didn’t want to exercise and days that I ate things I shouldn’t have, but that’s life, that’s part of the game.  And next week is our final weigh in for the 8 week challenge, which is just nuts.  I’m down almost 30 pounds, there’s no reason I can’t win this for the store again this year.  And who knows, maybe I’ll place for the whole thing.  Thing that worries me is, since the first weigh in, on their scales, I’ve gone from 175 to 149.  That’s 15% of my body weight that I’ve lost.  But with the weigh in that they were counting for the challenge, I’ve gone from 162 to 149, which is only 8%.  Last year the top person lost 15%, and the next person in line lost 14%.  If I stick with this like I have been and I can get down to my goal weight by the end of the next 12 week challenge (December 12), I’ll have lost 42 pounds over the course of the challenge, which is 26% of my original weight.  Now as we’ve never held an additional 12 week challenge, I’m not sure what kind of numbers everyone else was pulling, but I guess we’ll see.  If I don’t win the grand prize, I’ve still lost a lot of weight (33% since I’ve started once I reach my goal), and that’s all that really matters.

Since today is Friday, I had planned to do my C25K training today.  But I slept in, and that would have made my time really tight.  On top of that, my knee was bothering me today.  So I switched today’s workout with tomorrow’s.  So today I did Turbo Jam.

I don’t remember if I’ve talked about my history with Turbo Jam or not, but here it is.  Matt and I had seen the infomercials for Turbo Jam for ages, and we’d always said that we should get it.  But, like most things, we never did.  So last year when I was doing the weight loss challenge at work, Matt and I decided that we would finally buy it.  We split the cost, went online, and ordered the product.  It came about a week later, and I opened it up, like a kid at Christmas.  I was so excited to get to it, that I skipped my usual process of watching a new exercise video before using it.  How hard could it really be?

I thought I was going to die.  I stopped the DVD not even half way through, wheezing and panting and trying to find my inhaler.  That was so not fun, the liars.  It was forty minutes of torture with a bouncy, smiling, blonde devil yielding the whip.  I tucked the DVDs aside and promised myself that I would try again when I was more fit.

And there they sat until a month ago.  I tried again, and this time I was ready, having watched them first.  I brought down my intensity, tried not to call it quits during the Turbos (high intensity intervals), and limped my way through.  That wasn’t so bad.  Aside from the Turbos, it was kind of okay.  Not so enjoyable that I did it again, but okay.

Well, today I popped in the Fat Blaster DVD, which is all Turbos.  Each Turbo is done twice, once at a lower intensity to learn it, then once at full intensity.  And you know what?  I had a blast.  I was smiling despite myself, giving it all I had, and for once doing something that resembled what the high intensity people were doing.  I’m still amazed.  How much I sweat was gross, but that’s a good thing, right?

So tomorrow I’m going to do my C25K.  And I think I’ll change the route again, see if that makes things any easier. 

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Day 78

So yesterday…let’s just say I’m going to stop celebrating my birthday on even numbered years.  On the up side, I got a heart rate monitor, new shoes for work that are similar to the Reebok Easy Tones, and a thing of pepper spray incase that damned dog tries to eat me again.  I did go more over my calories than I had planned, but on the upside I didn’t use it as an excuse to blow the rest of the day.  And today when I hopped on the scale it only read 150.  I’m going to stay away from the scale until Monday, though.  Well, I’ll try.

When we were waiting for the time between lunch and our movie to pass, Matt took me to the mall.  I decided that while I wouldn’t buy anything just yet, it might be fun to try some clothes on, see if I’d dropped any sizes.  Boy, was I disappointed.  Everything was large.  And the size 13 pair of jeans I tried on that I was sure wouldn’t fit, fit perfectly on my waist, but were about six inches too long.  I know every designer cuts their sizes differently, so it’s normal to have a little difference in sizes, but I’ve lost almost 30 pounds, I kind of expected to go down at least one size.  Now, it’s true that I haven’t really bought clothes since I crossed the gap between 160 and 180, but now I’m 150, 10 pounds should be at least some kind of size difference, right?  I know the clothes I had been wearing fit differently, but is that because I no longer fit into that size, or did I stretch these clothes out?  I’m not the type of person to squeeze myself into too small clothes, so I didn’t think that was the case, but who knows.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Day 77

So I got on the scale this morning, and it read 149.  So I not only made my birthday goal, but I reached my half way point as well.  Only 29 more pounds to go.

So today’s my birthday, and I decided as a gift to myself, I won’t worry so much about calories.  I’m still going to count and log, but I’m going to have what I want today, and if I’m over by a few hundred calories when I go to bed tonight, that’s fine.  So I’m going to get on that.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Day 76

Yesterday was great.  I got to really sit and talk with my grandfather, something I haven’t done in years, and I got to see my dad and grandmother again.  My grandfather took my dad, my step-mom, my step-grandmother, and myself out to dinner at Red Lobster, which apparently isn’t a bad place to eat.  Everything on the menu was in Lose It!, so it made ordering easy (though I was teased some).  I had shrimp scampi with steamed broccoli instead of a potato (with a lemon wedge to season instead of butter or salt), the garden salad (again with lemon wedges instead of dressing), and two Cheddar Bay Biscuits, all for 650.  And I got to clear my plates!  Which was good, because I was famished.  Originally I only planned to have one biscuit, but my dad offered me a second, and they were so yummy.  All that and I still finished my day under calorie, even before my exercise. 

However, I hit a snag late last night.  I had this strange dream that I was eating an ice cream sandwich last night.  Sure enough, I woke up this morning and checked, and there’s one less in the package.  Sleep eating is something I’ve done for years, right along with sleep walking.  Sure, the ice cream sandwich I ate last night was only 160, and we don’t have much by the way of crap in the house any more, but what if I had eaten more?  Or what if I hadn’t remembered the dream?  I’d try baby proofing the fridge, but I’m sure I could get through that in my sleep.  When I was in college, I frequently left the room while sleep walking, went to stand in the bathroom or the common room until someone walked by and told me to go back to bed, then went back to my room, unlocking the door to get out and relocking it when I got back in.  Mind you, my bed was lofted, so I had to find the ladder as well.  The stories my roommate would tell me.

I’m trying to decide what to do tomorrow.  A part of me wants to stay in calorie, add everything in, and go through yesterday like I would any other day.  But another part wants to just not care about dinner, since it’s my birthday and it only comes once a year.  I think I’ll split the difference, order what I want, track it in Lose It!, and not go out of control, but not freak if I go a little over calorie.  I’ll just work out really hard on Thursday.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Day 75

Weight: 152
BFP:  36%

So at least I lost this week.  Doesn’t look like I’ll make my birthday goal, however.  Two pounds in two days is sort of pushing it.  But maybe I’ll make it by next Monday.

I had a brain wave this morning.  I was listening to Jillian Michaels’ podcast yesterday, and she was saying how you needed to have something on your stomach before working out, because your body needs sugar (she either said glucose or glycogen, I can’t remember) to burn when you work out, and if there’s none readily available in your blood (which there wouldn’t be after a night of not eating), then your body will start breaking down muscle to get it.  Which I don’t want to happen. 

So I was thinking about what I could eat that wouldn’t make me sick again (I did not want a repeat of last time).  It was down between a couple strawberries and a handful of pecans, or a yogurt, and then it hit me, I could just cut a Luna bar in half and eat that.  So I did.  90 calories, 14 carbs, and 4 grams of protein, and I didn’t get sick.  I figure I’ll play around with things, see what works best for what.

I’m driving up to see my grandfather today.  Same driving trip as Friday.  Wish me luck!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Day 74

Well, I couldn’t get a hold of my grandfather, so I’m not sure if I’m going to visit him tomorrow or not.  I had wanted to change my oil today (get that goal crossed off my list), but Matt went to a friend’s house, and now I’m watching Star Wars, so that’s not going to happen today.  Maybe if he comes home soon, I’ll pause the movie and finish watching it when I get home.  But I really wanted to watch it today, it’s my favorite one.  Oh well.

I went on my 5 mile walk today (everyone I tried to call wasn’t home), and did 30 minutes with weights when I got home.  It was great.  I’m hoping that my new schedule and eating plan will pay off with this week’s weigh in.  This is the first full week where I’ve changed things, so we’ll see.

I’ll probably record another video sometime soon.  I noticed today when I was working with my weights that my face looks thinner and my collarbones are more noticeable.

Yesterday was rather…odd.  The customer at work who commented on my weight loss and told me I looked good the other week was in again.  He tried to wait around so that I would be the one to help him.  I was busy with other customers, so he let the other guy help him, but still hung around.  He came up to me and asked if I was still on my plan, told me I looked gorgeous, and that I should think about going to a modeling agency.  He only left when I had more customers come up.  It was creepy.  There are a few old guys who fixate on one of the girls and just this side of stalk them, so I hope I haven’t gotten one of those.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Day 73

So yesterday I drove up to see my dad and grandmother.  And it went well.  I was a little nervous, but I think I know the area well enough that I was fine.  And I’m planning another trip for Monday.

I eyeballed what I was eating, since I wasn’t about to weigh out how much fish was on my plate, and I managed to keep within calorie fairly well.  Even when my step-mom brought out a birthday cookie for my dad and I, I only had a small sliver.

However, on the way home I stopped at the half way point to get out and walk around.  It’s something I have to do because of my back (if I sit still too long my legs go numb).  So I’m walking around the car, looking at the McDonald’s drive through menu, sorely tempted to go in and order a chicken club sandwich.  But I didn’t.  I ate the apple in my purse instead and decided I’d have a spinach salad with cheese and ham when I got home.  Maybe I’d throw some pecans there. 

I called Matt to let him know where I was, and over the course of that conversation got extremely pissed off.  And how did I handle my anger?  Did I take a few deep breaths?  Nope.  Did I jump around and scream?  Nope.  Did I drive to the grocery store next door, buy a cookie, and snarf it in my car?  Yup.  *sigh*  I was still within calorie for the day, but the fact remains that it’s reacting like that that put me in this situation to begin with, I need to stop doing that.  I don’t even remember what it was that upset me it was so trivial.  Yet I couldn’t handle feeling the emotion, so I ate. 

I’ve never been one to deal with my emotions.  I stuff them down or I eat through them, and then the point comes along when I just snap, and that’s never good.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Day 72

I switched back to week 3 in my C25K training today.  For some reason I just couldn’t even do the first five minute run.  So I went through week 3 again, and didn’t pause it for that damned hill.  I ran up the thing.  I think I might keep training on week 3 until the hill doesn’t about kill me, then I’ll go back to week 4 again.  I was hoping to be done with my training so that I could run in a local 5k this October, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

I’m driving up to see my grandma and dad today.  Father’s day is Sunday, my dad’s birthday is Tuesday, and my grandma wanted to see me for my birthday, so I figure I’m killing three birds with one stone.  I’m just nervous, because I haven’t ever driven that far on my own (it’s about 2 hours), nor have I driven in such a populated area.  My grandma lives in the outskirts of one of the state’s larger cities.  But, if I get in the right lane coming off the highway, I’ll be fine.  Worst case scenario, I pull into a parking lot and turn around.  I know the area fairly well, so I don’t think I’ll get lost.  But, just in case, I’m bringing the GPS. 

This first year of having my license is showing me that I can do lots of things I never thought I’d be able to do (like driving on the highway).  It’s just another little thing that proves that if I set my mind to it, I can do anything I want.  Anyway, wish me luck!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Day 71

I’ve found I’m starting to lose motivation.  I don’t know if it’s because my weight loss has been a bit rocky these past couple weeks or what.  And that makes me feel terrible.  I mean, I have the gumption to do this when things are going well, but when things start to get a bit difficult I flake?  So I think it’s time to go over why I’m doing this.

  • I don’t want to be the fat mom that the kids in school make fun of.  I dealt with a lot of “your mom’s so fat” jokes when I was in school, and I don’t want my child(ren) to go through that.
  • I want to lose the weight now when it will be easier instead of waiting until my metabolism has slowed any more.
  • I want to avoid all the health problems that run in my family.  Diabetes, heart problems, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cancer, depression, joint problems, the list goes on and on.
  • I hate taking my daily vitamin, so I’d really like to take as few pills as possible down the road, thanks.
  • I want to feel comfortable in my skin.
  • When Matt asks me if I’ll do something, be it going swimming or wearing a skirt, I don’t want to say no because of my weight.
  • I don’t want to dread going shopping for clothes.
  • When I have children, I want to be a good example for them.
  • I want to be comfortable with having the lights on and being on top.  I’ll even take them separately for now.  Fact is, I should be in the moment, not worried if Matt’s grossed out my my fat giggling.
  • I want to be able to order what I want in a restaurant and not be worried if the waitress is thinking, “Yeah, that’s the last thing she needs.”
  • I want to be able to walk up in front of a room of people and not wonder if people are watching the fat girl.
  • I want to be able to tell Matt the next time he asks me how much I weigh.
  • I want to avoid miscarriage.  They are more common with overweight people, and they run in my family.
  • I want to be happy.
  • I want to be healthy.
  • I want to really live my life.
  • I want to be thin.  If for me that’s being 130 and a size 10, I’ll take it.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Day 70

Okay, so the day has come, yet again.  Today is measurement day.  I have to admit, with the recent goings on with my weight, I’m a tad nervous.

Chest:  40.25
Waist:  34.75
Hips:  39
Thigh:  21.25
Bicep:  11.25

So my chest has gone down a quarter inch, my waist three quarters of an inch, my hips remain the same, my thigh has gone down half an inch, and my bicep has gone down 1.25 inches.  So the overall loss in the last month has been 2.75 inches.  And I’ve lost 10.25 inches since I started.  Not bad.

Although I’m pleased with my progress, I’m beginning to get antsy.  I want to be my goal weight now.  Where’s the fun in reaching my goal weight right as we have to start covering up with bulky sweaters?  But I know that I can’t rush this, not while remaining healthy.  I’m just getting to the point where nothing fits any more.  And I don’t want to go buy new clothes when I know I’ll just have to do it again in a few months, but getting dressed to go anywhere has become even more of a chore than it was when I was trying to hide myself in the best way possible.  I don’t want to wear, “Oh, look at me!” clothes yet, but I’m tired of wearing baggy things that I swim in.  It’s funny, the only part of my wardrobe that really has variety is my work out clothes.

I’m trying not to set goals like, “I want to be a size 6” because I don’t want to be disappointed if I don’t get there, but I am going to set one today.  When I reach my goal weight, I’d like my chest to be in the 32”-36” range.  I’m only a B, and it’s about impossible to find bras in my size, forget cute bras.  So, fingers crossed.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Day 69

It’s amazing how quickly the time has gone.  I figured today would be a good day to look back on how far I’ve come.

Three months ago I was not in a good place.  I woke up whenever, got right out of bed, grabbed my laptop, crawled back into bed, and spent the day on the net.  Sometimes I’d read, sometimes I’d write, but I rarely left the bed.  If I ate, it was usually crap.  I think one day I even had chips for breakfast.  I didn’t exercise, I didn’t eat well, I didn’t take care of myself.  And I wasn’t happy.  Actually, I was deeply depressed.

Six months ago was pretty much the same thing.  I’d have periods where I’d spend a day or two being healthy, I’d take a walk, try to eat smaller servings, drink more water, all that good stuff.  But it’d only last a day or two.

A year ago I was just getting off a diet.  I’d lost 20 pounds, but I only stuck with being healthy for a little over a month.

Already this time round I’m just over two months.  And I’m planning on this being the last time that I have to get healthy again.  I want to keep doing what I’m doing now.  I love working out.  Sure, I don’t go crazy, I’m not going to boot camp or spinning classes every week, I don’t even belong to a gym.  But I’m having fun with what I’m doing, and I’m getting healthier every day, and that’s what’s important to me.  Yesterday I did something I never thought I’d be able to do:  I ran for five minutes straight.  Granted, I had to pause the C25K app to give me more resting time (I’m going to keep doing week 4 until I no longer have to do that), but I did it.  I never would have been able to do that before.  I think the longest I’d ran straight before last month was 90 seconds.  Maybe two minutes.  So for me, that was huge.

Hopefully a year from now I can look back on this and say never again.  Never again will I have weight issues.  Never again will I put nothing but crap into my body.  And never again will I let myself go.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Day 68

Weight: 153
BFP: 36%

Now might be a good time to remove small children from the room.  Are they gone?  Good.

Mother &%$@$*&@#$!!!!!!!!!!


Sorry, but this is the first weight gain that I’ve had to record with Lose It.  I know, in the grand scheme of things, one pound isn’t such a big deal.  Yes, I’m in the midst of my period, so it’s likely I’m carrying water weight, and yes, this week was stressful, so I’m sure that doesn’t help, and yes, my BFP did go down, and no, one pound isn’t going to kill me.  But it still pisses me off.  I always figured I’d be down in the 140s before I started doing this one step forward, two steps back thing.

So today’s the first day I’m trying my full, new program.  I did my exercise based on what I’d planned out yesterday, but I’ve been walking every Sunday.  So we’ll see if upping my calories, switching up my routine, and adding in weight/resistance training will help any.  Here’s hoping.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Day 67

Matt joined me on my walk today.  And so did an insane dog that wanted to eat us.  Around mile three of our walk, this dog starts barking, and Matt swore.  I looked up, and there’s a Rottweiler on the other side of the guardrail, snarling and barking at us.  Tail was not wagging, he was doing this weird thing with his front paws like he was digging in, and he kept getting closer, even when we started to walk away.  Of course, this was the one time when no one was driving by.  The stupid thing walked under the guardrail and started coming at us when his owner drove up.  I thought I was going to die.

This led to my husband insisting that I should get my pistol permit in case that happens again.  I wouldn’t shoot a dog, I don’t care if the thing is eating me.  And it’s dangerous to shoot into the air, I’ve seen that episode of CSI where the guy shot into the air and killed the girl three blocks away.  And it’s my luck anyway that I’d be jogging, the gun would fall out of my coat or whatever and shoot myself in the foot.  But maybe I’ll look into a starter pistol.  They make one heck of a noise, which should scare anything that’s trying to get me off, they’re lighter than a gun, even a .22, I wouldn’t have to worry about carrying my permits around with me or hurting myself.  I just don’t want to carry anything else with me.  But thoughts of that stupid dog is spooking me.

Matt’s been trying to push for me to get my pistol permit since I started walking.  We live in the middle of no where, and I walk on mostly back roads.  There are a lot of coy-dogs around here (feral dogs who have bred with coyotes), not to mention bob cats and mountain lions, dogs that people don’t like to fence in or keep on a leash, and bears.  Before today, I wasn’t worried.  I’ve seen six bunnies, lots of birds, a handful of field mice, and one turtle on my walks.  One of the bunnies spooked me, because it thought it would be a good idea to hop right out in front of me, but otherwise I’ve had an “Aww, so cute!” reaction.

I’m not opposed to getting my permit, I’d actually like it.  But I don’t want to shoot off a range.  I’m not opposed to hunting, Matt hunts, but we eat what he shoots, it’s not pointless killing.  And we have a place where everything we don’t use goes, so that nature can use it.  Mice eat the bones, whatever else eats the rest.  But I couldn’t personally hurt an animal.  But I don’t want to stop walking outside.  I love my walks.  But that damned dog has me scared.  *sigh*

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Day 66

Last night was just…it was hellish.  I had a bad night, and ended up staying awake until 6 this morning.  When I get really upset I usually eat until I’m sick, stay awake all night brooding, or both.  Last night I was very tempted to binge, I ate an apple and a Weight Watcher’s ice cream bar for about 200 calories.  All in all, not so bad.  But I spent hours just sitting up and watching old reruns of Law and Order: SVU.  Finally, around 3, I did something intelligent.  I opened up my laptop and started writing down my feelings.  Why I was upset, why my feelings were valid, and why it was okay for me to be feeling them.  I typically try to hide and repress what I feel, which I’m sure has never helped my weight issues.  I owned my feelings, put them into the universe, and even though I’m not done writing it yet, I feel much better.  I see this as a great personal growth.

Last night I was at Wal-Mart, and I cut through the stationary isle.  I love pens, journals, the notebooks, all that fun stuff.  I don’t know why.  But yesterday I just wanted to cut through.  I should have known it wouldn’t work like that.  I stopped in my tracks when I spotted a dry erase board with calendar style blocks laid out.  And I wanted it!  For those of you who don’t know, I have a dry erase board in my office where I write the quote of the day.  Matt makes a habit of popping in to read the new quote each day, and I find it motivating to be able to just look up and see it.

The reason I wanted this dry erase board was because I wanted a place where I could plan out my weekly workouts.  I know I’m on a MWF schedule for my C25K training, which I always follow up with 20 minutes of yoga to stretch me out.  But what about the rest of the week.  Which days should I work with my resistance bands?  What day should I relax and take things slow?  And when should I jump up the cardio?  So after a few times of wiping the board clean and starting from scratch, I have a plan.  I’m sticking with my MWF C25K training.  Sundays I’ll walk at least 5 miles, then work with my resistance bands for 20-30 minutes.  Tuesday will be a slower day, and I’ll only do Pilates.  Thursday, I’ll cycle through one of my dancing workout DVDs, then do 20-30 minutes with my bands.  And on Saturday I’ll do one of my Turbo Jam workouts.  Just not this Saturday, I’m too tired.  So, if I stick to the way this is planned out, I’ll be walking 20 miles a week.  At least.  Because I sometimes like to go out for an extra walk.

So Matt weighed in today.  He has maintained his weight.  However, he didn’t really work out at all this week, and he partied with his brother.  So I’m not sure if maintaining is a success or a failure on Fat 2 Fit’s “eat like the skinny person you want to be” thing.  I’m going to pester him into doing his exercises this week and staying away from the booze, and we’ll see what happens next week.  Also, he only has 7-12 pounds left to reach his goal weight (he keeps bouncing back and forth between those five pounds), so that might also have something to do with it.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Day 65

Before I get into what I want to talk about today, I just want to say that C25K went well today (last day of week 3), but I paid close attention to my body during the work out.  I’m not sure I’m ready for week 4 yet.  I know I have to push myself in order to move on and grow, but I don’t want to push too hard or too far.  I figure I’ll start day 1 of week 4 on Monday, and if I need to stop or go back, I will.  But I’ll be surprised if I don’t end up repeating week 3 next week.  Who knows, though, I might totally surprise myself.

So last night I hopped on the scale at work, just to see where I was, and I gained three pounds since my weigh in Sunday.  After several WTF?! moments, I realized something has to change.  I’m hungry all the time,I’m tired, I’m miserable, and according to Matt, I’m bitchy.  Apparently 1278 calories a day isn’t cutting it anymore.  So I hit the net in search of answers. 

Warning: Long-ass, math ridden post to follow.

I decided to start by figuring out my BMR, since it seems like that’s the fewest calories I should be consuming.  I considered using the formula to figure it out, but shortly decided I wasn’t quite that nuts.  So I went with two calculators, two (simpler) formulas, and the numbers I got off Fat 2 Fit, averaged them out, and used that as my BMR.

(Note, to find your weight in kg, divide by 2.2.  Go here for height in cm.)
Calculator 1:
Calculator 2:
Fat 2 Fit’s numbers:

So add them all up, divide by six, and I got 1435 calories a day.  So that’s my base, what I can’t go below unless I’m laying in bed all day.

For weight loss you don’t take calories from your BMR, you take them from your AMR (Active Metabolic Rate), or how many calories you burn on a daily basis.  Your AMR depends on how active you are.

And this brings up a question.  How active am I?  I mean, I think that I am fairly active, but would I be considered active by these people’s measurements?  I engage in light to moderate exercise every day, so how to figure out my daily allotments?  And which method to use?  The site I used for my formulas had one suggestion as to what to multiply your BMR by, Jillian Michaels had another (1.1, 1.2, 1.3, and 1.4 as you go up the activity ladder).  So I used both methods, for both lightly and moderately active, threw in those two numbers from Fat 2 Fit, and averaged.


This gives me 1959 calories a day for my AMR.  Now I have a bottom (1435) and a top (1959), I just have to find the sweet spot in the middle.  Theoretically, if I consume 1959 calories a day and keep as active as I am now, I shouldn't gain weight, I should maintain.  But I don’t wan to maintain, I want to lose.

And here we run into problems again.  I’d like to lose 2 pounds a week, which means a 1000 calorie deficit a day.  But that would only leave me 959 calories a day, and that’s below my bottom.  And I doubt I can exercise any more at the moment.

How about 1 pound a week, a 500 calorie deficit.  That’d put me at 1459, which is only just above my bottom.  Little dangerous. 

So I’m going to shoot to the middle and go with 1697 calories a day.  It’s only a 262 calorie deficit, which translates to a little more than a half pound a week, but that’s fine.  I’ll tweak as I go.

Then I wonder if I should just enter my sedentary calorie limit (1643 when averaged) and eat my exercise.  But I have plenty of issues with eating my exercise.  One, I don’t believe Lose It! is entirely accurate, two, I don’t want to over estimate how hard I worked out, then end up over eating because of that mistake.  So for now, that option’s a no.

Now the question becomes how to I get my calories up there?  That’s more than 400 calories more a day than I’m currently taking in.  I figure it’s probably best if I do this slowly.  So once a week I’m going to up my calories by 10%.  Monday I’ll move my calories up to 1406, the Monday after that I’ll bring them up to 1547, and by that next Monday I’ll be at 1697.  I want to start this on a Monday because that’s my weigh in day, and I think I’ll get the most accurate results doing it that way.  Oh, and I’m extremely anal like that.

I know I’ll have to redo all this math every time I lose weight, seeing as my BMR will go down.  But that’s fine.  I don’t exactly trust Lose It's math any more.  Not that mine is infallible (just realized today there’s actual 248 days between April 8th and December 12th, oh well), but I’ll try things this way for a while, see how it goes.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Day 64

So last night I was watching all these customers come into the store with little water droplets all over them and I was thinking, “Okay, not so bad.  They can’t all have parked close, so if they’re just a little wet, I’ll be fine.”  Then the bottle guy comes in looking like he just stepped out of the shower with his clothes on.  It was at that point when I started to seriously consider going home, packing a gym bag, driving back into town and paying the 12 bucks for a day membership to the Y.  Thankfully, I got home and the rain mostly stopped.  So I bundled up in my running gear and a sweatshirt from college, and went on my way.  It rained a little, but for the most part it was fine.

Only two things bothered me.  First, all the slugs.  I don’t know if the rain made them come out of hiding, or what, but they were everywhere!  And I couldn’t avoid them.  At one point I was running, and all I could hear over my iPod was “squish, squish, squish.”  All their little squashed corpses were still in the road today.  It was sad.  The other thing that bugged me was how tired I was.  I was coming off an 8.5 hour shift that was surprisingly busy for a Wednesday, having not gotten very much sleep.  My workout suffered.  I didn’t even attempt running up that damned hill, I just paused the workout, walked up it, then ran.  I think I would have keeled over if I had tried it.  I’ll see how Friday goes.  I still don’t know if I’m going to repeat week 3 next week or not.

Today I went for a walk.  I wanted to push myself a little further, since I’ve been able to go pretty much no problem with my other longer distances.  And holy crap!  I was walking around this one bend in the road wondering how much longer it’d take me to get home because I was getting beat.  And no wonder, I walked a little over 7 miles!

Which brings me to this new site I’ve found.  It’s called Daily Mile, I’ve been a member for less than two days, and already I’m in love.  You can add in how far you’re walking (or running, biking, swimming, whatever), how long it took you, and they’ll tell you how many calories you’ve burned, how far you’ve traveled to date and all other fun stuff.  At the bottom of your training page, it gives you fun little things to equate your workout to, like your total miles and time since signing up, how man gallons of gas you’ve saved, how many doughnuts you’ve burned through, how many pounds you’ve burned through, and how many times you’ve been around the world.  They also give you stats, like your best time, your average intensity, and the furthest you’ve gone at one stretch.  You can put in your information that you get off your treadmill, or, what I like best, they’ll let you plot out a route on a map of wherever you’re working out, then they’ll tell you the distance.  No more driving around to find out how far I’m going!  Check it out and let me know what you think.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Day 63

New York weather is insane!  Last month was crazy hot, this month is freezing!  We have the heat on, I’m eating a bowl of oatmeal and strawberries (which put me 90 calories over my breakfast calories, but that’s planned for only 1200 calories a day) because there was no way I was eating anything cold.  I hope the temp heats up some for my afternoon walk.

But, of course, there’s a 50% chance of rain from 11 on today.  *sigh*  I wish I owned a treadmill.  Typically my family gives me money for my birthday, so maybe if I pool it together, Matt will help me cover the difference and I can own one by the end of the month.  Here’s hoping.

Just recently I’ve started following this blog, Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.   He’s very funny, and I recommend that you at least check him out, if you haven’t already.  He does this thing he calls W.I.D.T.H (Why I Do This Here), where he asks readers to take a note card, write down why they’re getting fit, take a picture, and send it in.  So yesterday IJack fit took one, but it got me thinking, and pretty much as soon as I hit send, I thought of a bunch more to do.   I mean, yes, that covers many of my reasons:  I don’t want to feel like I can’t wear the clothes I like, I don’t want to stay away from the pool any more, I don’t want to reach for something to cover myself with every time my husband walks in when I’m changing.  I mean, he’s my husband for God’s sake, he tells me all the time how sexy he thinks I am, but I still don’t want him to see me naked.  *sigh* 

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Day 62

So yesterday I walked close to 16 miles.  Not all at once, of course, but over the course of the day.  In the morning, when I was doing my C25K training, I took the four mile loop.  Then when I got home, I decided to go on another walk, turned around a half mile from home because I forgot my hat and it was sunny, then walked the five mile loop.  Then after dinner, I was sitting around and decided another walk was in order, so I did the five mile loop again, only this time instead of turning where I normally would, I kept going and turned later down the road, adding almost another mile on.  It was great.

I was poking around the organic section at the store where I work yesterday, and I found this juice Jillian Michaels has been talking about on her podcast.  It’s called Simply Cranberry (or Cherry, or Pomegranate, depending on the fruit).  It’s 100% juice, no apple juice to cut it, no sugar, no preservatives, nothing.  All that’s in the bottle is what they squeeze from the fruit (and sometimes a little purified water to reconstitute it).  The brand name was $10 for a 32oz bottle (yikes!), but the store has an organic store brand that’s the exact same stuff for $4 a 32oz bottle.  The only difference is that the name brand is in glass, store brand is in plastic.  I’ve been stirring a tablespoon of the juice into 12oz of water (ends up being 4 calories a glass).  It gives the water some flavor (tastes a little like I stirred some lemon in), and cranberry is a diuretic, so I’m hoping it will help me lose some water weight. 

I’m still a little upset about that weigh in yesterday.  But when I think about it, it kind of makes sense.  I had a crazy good week the week before, so it stands to reason that I’d have a lower weight loss this week.  That and I’m expecting my period, so I’m holding onto water weight.  So here’s hoping that next Monday brings a good number.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Day 61

Weight: 152
BFP: 36.4%

Um…yeah, that’s the same as last week.  I’m a little confused and bothered by that, as this is the first week I haven’t lost, but okay.  I had a crazy good week last week, it makes since that this week would be a little lacking.  I just am going to try to make up for it next week.

I bought some stone ground flaxseed meal the other day and added it to my smoothie this morning.  It gives it a slightly different flavor, but nothing really noticeable.  I’ll wait to see if it makes me fuller longer or anything.  I’ll still use it even if it doesn’t, as the main reason I bought it was for the omega 3.  I like fish, and I try to eat either salmon or tuna three times a week.  Matt hates fish though, so I’m hoping I can sneak some flaxseed into things.  The one thing I don’t like so far?  It makes my blender more difficult to clean.  Oh well, small price.

So I made it through day 1, week 3 of my C25K today without much issue.  I changed my music that I had playing to Jillian Michaels’ podcast, the thought being that 1) the music was getting a little old, and 2) it’d be easier to push through if I had a smile on my face, and she makes me laugh.  So that paired with my new focus on the distance technique worked well…until the last run.  It was a three minute run, and I wasn’t worried about it because I made it through the first without once thinking “Oh my God, how much longer?!”  But the minute I heard the chimes telling me it was time to run again, I knew I was screwed.  I had just started up this really steep hill.  I made it up the hill and almost stopped, but I pushed myself to keep going.  After I was on the level for a bit, though, I was okay.  All in all, I think I’m good to keep going with week 3.  I might repeat week 3, though.

If I keep this up, C25K will take me 18 weeks, not 9.  I don’t mind, though.  I don’t want to push or strain myself, so even if it takes me six months, as long as I go at my pace but still challenge myself, I’ll be happy.  This isn’t a race, after all. 

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Day 60

Two months!  Woo hoo!

This girl who’s blog I follow has been talking a lot lately about Fat 2 Fit Radio and their theories on weight loss.  Basically, they think that you should figure out what you would need to eat to maintain your goal weight (they offer handy dandy calculators on their site for finding both what your goal weight should be and what you should eat at that weight).  The idea is that if you stick to the number of calories you’d need to maintain your goal weight, you’ll eventually reach that goal weight without ever having to diet.  They admit you might have to drop your calories by 200-300 a day to lose those last couple pounds, but that otherwise it works.  They also insist that you should never eat below your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate, or how many calories it takes to keep you alive if you’re, say, in a coma).

Now, to get nerdy.  I understand most everyone gets this, but it helps me think, so it’s happening anyway.  Our body is like a machine, and our food is the fuel.  Everyone knows that exercise burns through that fuel.  Everyone also knows that we become overweight when we start adding more fuel than we burn through.  Eventually, our body starts building back up tanks (fat reserves) to hold what it doesn’t use.  Think of it like adding five gallons of gas to your car a day, but only using four.  Those extra gallons are going to build up to the point that you’ll go to fill up one day, and the tank will already be full.  So you fill up one of those ugly red jugs, stick it in your trunk, and go on your merry way.  To lose the weight, we need to start tapping into those reserves, which we do by creating a deficit, or burning more fuel than we take in.

It isn’t our BMR that we use as reference in this case.  I mean, we’re not in comas, right?  We use the number of calories it takes us to get through a day in our current lifestyle.  Which is obviously more than our BMR.  All our BMR provides fuel for is the basics:  basic brain function, all our organs running, that fun stuff.  Perhaps the occasional muscle twitch.  Even if we’re vegging out, we still do more than that:  we scratch our nose, lift the glass off the table, raise the remote, walk to the bathroom, etc etc.

So, to lose the weight, we take that number, and somehow subtract between 500 and 1000 (for the 1-2lb a week weight loss).  We either do this by eating less (adding only 3 gallons of fuel) or burning more (driving an extra loop around town), but ideally with a little of both.

Every source I’ve read has said that you shouldn’t go below your BMR (because we’re not in comas, people).  You start depriving your body of fuel, it’s going to stop running properly. 

So, going on all that, the idea suggested by Fat 2 Fit makes sense.  By eating to maintain a lower weight, you’ll automatically create a deficit, so you’ll start burning through your fat.  However, there are a few things about them that’s bothered me.

First, they want you to pay for the first season of their podcast.  This just isn’t right to me.  But okay, you have to pay the bills somehow.  Second, when they were talking about why you should never eat below your BMR, they said it was because your body would go into starvation mode.  Since joining Lose It!, I’ve seen a lot about this starvation mode, and I’ve looked into it.  Everyone talks about it, whether they call it “starvation mode” or “your body’s natural response,” if they’re talking about weight loss, they’ve mentioned it.  But there seems to be some debate as to what it actually is.  These guys at Fat 2 Fit were saying how in starvation mode, your body clings to fat and won’t let you lose the weight.

Now, before I start this rant, let me be clear that I hold no degree what so ever and am totally talking out of my ass based on what I’ve read.  Do your own research, talk to your doctor, whatever, but don’t hold my word as gospel.

According to all that I’ve read, that’s false.  Starvation mode, or whatever the hell you want to call it, does happen, and it does make it more difficult to lose weight, but your body doesn’t just stop losing all together.  If it did, anorexia wouldn’t work.  When they showed footage of all these starving people in these third world countries, they would look normal, not like skeletons with skin.  Based on the research I’ve done, starvation mode is a response our bodies have developed based on thousands of years of evolution.  Back in the day, when we were a traveling people wearing pelts, if we underwent an extreme caloric deficit for an extended period of time, it meant that there was a food shortage.  Our bodies would slow our metabolisms down so that we burned through our fat reserves more slowly, but they would still burn through them.  Think of the fat grizzly that goes into hibernation and comes out much thinner.  The other thing our bodies would do is break down our lean muscle mass, since the nutrients we need to function can’t all be found in our fat reserves.

Now, in present day, we have food endlessly at our disposal.  We binge on Mickey D’s and Breyer’s ice cream, Doritos and Pop Tarts.  And then we crash diet to lose the weight.  Our bodies don’t know that there’s no shortage in food, it just knows that it suddenly doesn’t have enough calories to function properly.  So our metabolism slows, and we start burning through larger amounts of our lean muscle mass in addition to our fat reserves.  Even if we’re taking in our BMR or just over, if we exercise enough to drop that deficit below that number, the same thing is going to happen.

This doesn’t happen from one crazy low calorie day, or even a few crazy low calorie days.  It’s over an extended period of time.

So, after you’ve entered starvation mode, and your body believes you’re currently in a food shortage, when you increase your calories for whatever reason, your body goes “Food!” and works to rebuild it’s fat reserves, not knowing when its next big burst of calories will be.  The result?  Your weight goes up.

And after all that lovely news, we’re all thinking “So how the hell am I supposed to lose weight and keep it off?”  And this is why Fat 2 Fit’s idea makes so much sense to me.  By eating more (at what your maintenance level would be for your goal weight), your body doesn’t think that you’re in a food shortage.  So it willingly (and easily) lets go of its fat reserves.  When you do get into maintenance mode, there’s no big change, as that’s what you’ve been eating all along.

I have Matt testing this out for everyone (gotta love using husbands as guinea pigs).  If it works well for him, I might ease into it (as Lose It! currently has me about 100 calories below what the site says is my BMR).  He’s only upped his calories for a day, but he’s already talking about how he has more energy, he feels less restricted, he’s less tempted to binge (since he can have more things in smaller portions), and he no longer feels like he’s on a diet.  I’ll keep everyone posted. 

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Day 59

So my weigh in wasn’t yesterday, it’s tomorrow.  I could have gone yesterday, but I would have to have someone other than the woman who’s been doing the weigh ins all along present, and they would have to record my weight.  Even though I weigh less than I have in years, I’m still self conscious about not only that number, but how I see myself.  Because even though I’m happy with the progress I’ve made, to me it doesn’t seem like much.  Yes, my stomach looks flatter, but I still look fat.  At least to me.  I keep hoping that losing this weight will be a panacea, but I’m seeing that it won’t be.  But that’s what this journey is about, getting myself healthy, inside and out.

They are starting to take people from our store who got the full time jobs.  Our assistant grocery manager left early this week (she’s the new grocery manager), and her next in command leaves today (he’s the new assistant).  We lose two of our girls from the office next week, one of which is easily replaceable, the other is the one I’m trying to replace.  The third girl we’ll be losing probably won’t leave until the new store actually opens or the week before.  She’s been doing the job she was hired for every time our boss was out for whatever reason (vacation, surgery, etc) for four years.  And our boss is gone at least 5 weeks a year.  Not to mention she pretty much does our boss’ job anyway.

So, to put this in perspective, there are only six people in the entire store who know how to do the back office evening work (I’m one of them).  I’m also the only one of those six who has not been taught how to do the back office morning work.  We are losing two of our girls in the next two weeks, and one of the others has her own job to do and can’t work in the office all the time.  And my boss has yet to train anyone new.  So in two week’s time, she’ll only have two people (herself included) at her disposal on a regular basis who know how to do the morning work.  And she somehow has to cover two shifts, seven days a week, with only three people.  Oh, and by company policy, she’s limited as to how many hours she can give me a week.  And by now you’re asking what the hell this has to do with my weight loss.  One word: STRESS!!!

Everyone of power in our store is going to be stressed over the next two months, which means they’re going to be taking it out on each other, making things worse, then taking it out on us.  Last night was like a little taste of things to come.

Because they’re training all these new people to send them over to the new store, they had a lot of registers open.  If the person doing the floor plan is nice, they spread the tills that need to be changed out over the course of the evening, making the highest concentration between 6 and 7, and maybe one each at 7:30, 8, and 9.  They then leave only three tills out after 9, so the morning person doesn’t have too much work.  This is done this way because the heaviest load of our office work is from 8 on.  And we only have until 9:30 to finish.  Last night?  I had five drawers from 8 on.  And the woman who was working wanted to hold almost all of them until 9.  I wanted to scream.  And cry.  And eat my weight in chocolate.  I didn’t get to leave until almost 10, and that extra half an hour I worked was off the clock.  Which sucks.

I hope I survive the next few weeks with my weight loss in tact.  Wish me luck!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Day 58

So I tried something new with my C25K training today.  First, instead of crossing the tracks for the loop that’s just over 2 miles, I kept going, past the lake, for the 4 mile loop, so I was going (for about half of it) through different scenery.  Second, I used a trick I do when I have to give blood:  I picked a spot in the distance and focused only on it.  I ignored what was going on with my body, just focused on whatever spot I had in my sights.  I’d been doing something similar, but instead of focusing on something in the far distance (like a mountain or a cloud), I’d pick something I thought I could reach, like a tree or a stop sign, then I’d tell myself, just make it that far.  The difference?  I didn’t have a single, “Oh thank God” moment, and each time when the little dinger went off telling me I could stop running, I could have kept going.  I’m going to stick with week 2 for Friday, but Monday I might try week 3 again.

Today’s the week four weigh in at work.  I have to call the chick at noon and ask what I can do, since the weigh in’s only from noon till 2, and I won’t be there until 3:30.  Maybe she’ll stick around, or she’ll let me weigh myself and write it in the book for her.  There are prizes for whomever’s lost the most weight per store at the half way point, but as far as the contest goes, I’ve only lost 10lbs.  So who knows.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Day 57

I am currently in my new favorite place: out on my back porch, looking out over the beautiful hills and trees of upstate New York. I used to hate being outside. I haven’t voluntarily gone outdoors for an extended period of time without grumbling about it (at least internally) since I was a kid. But that’s changed of late. I don’t want to do a work out DVD, I want to go walk. I don’t want to sit in my office and watch the birds through the window, I want to be out here, where I can feel the breeze, see the birds, hear all their songs. I don’t know if it’s a sign that the depression I’ve battled for over a decade is starting to lift or what, but I’m enjoying it. Only a few things could make this spot better: a plug in for my laptop, the screens up to keep the bugs out (the porch is currently unfinished), and some more lights so I could sit out here at night. Matt and I ate dinner out here last night, which was nice. Something tells me I’m going to be spending a lot of time out here this summer.

So I just did level 1 of my Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown DVD, and let me tell you, it was one hell of a work out. I mean, I knew buying it that it wouldn’t be some slow, relaxing yoga routine. I even watched it before hand, so I knew what I was getting into. Or at least I thought I did. There were a couple spots that I just collapsed. I know a couple of the problems would have been solved by getting a mat (when I was doing the dolphin, I just couldn’t stand the pain of the carpet digging into my forearms any longer). But still, it was craziness. I was panting and sweating like I was jogging around the block. It was insane. And I can’t wait to do it again. I don’t think I can handle it yet after a run, but I think I’ve found what I’ll be doing on the days that I’m not running.

Oh, I was watching this CNBC special on obesity the other day, thought I'd share. It's called One Nation Overweight and it's rather illuminating.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Day 56

So yesterday something kind of big happened.  The people in the office know I’m losing weight, some of them even know how much I’ve lost.  It’s part of how I keep myself accountable.  If I haven’t come in with a new number or haven’t talked about what I’ve been doing in a while, they’ll ask.  But it’s just the people in the office.  Yesterday a girl from floral came in to tell me I could take her drawer, and she stopped, looked at me, and asked, “Have you lost weight?  You look slimmer.”  She’s the first person who hasn’t known who’s noticed.  So yay!

Yesterday was also difficult for me.  I was fine before going to work, but I had to keep walking by these triple layer chocolate tortes we have on sale this week, and I so wanted one.  It went from wanting the torte, to wanting a chili dog, to wanting all other kinds of crap.  And the thought that typically means I’m nearing the end of a diet kept creeping into my head: I miss eating like a fat girl.  I eventually realized that much of these cravings are because I’m PMSing.  But I’m still worried.  I think I’m going to give myself a 1600 calorie day here soon.  Or maybe find a way that I can have a chili dog.  They make the turkey chili that I think is lower calorie, and the turkey dogs are low cal and the only ones I’ll eat.  I ended up grabbing one of those Smart Ones desserts to help ease my chocolate attack.  *sigh*  Why is losing weight so damn difficult?

I’ve decided that I’m going to stick with week 2 of my C25K program for a while.  I’m good for the first three runs, but after that I start dreading the little dinging noise.  I figure I’ll move on when I stop saying “Oh thank God” every time I get to stop running.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Day 55

I hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day.  Matt and I went up to put flowers on his mom’s grave, then went to buy Matt running shoes.  It was kind of funny, me running around the store, grabbing almost every running shoe in his size, having him walk around, jog in place, the whole nine.  He settled on a pair of grandpa-looking shoes that he insists were the most comfortable.  It doesn’t matter what they look like, as long as they support his feet, but I teased him a little about them.

He’s decided he’s going to come running with me when he can.  Since I’ll be repeating either week 2 or 3 for a while, I’m sure he won’t have to come out every time to keep up.  I still don’t know which week I want to repeat.  I mean, I was able to do it yesterday, but hardly.  I’ll figure it out before tomorrow.

I bought a George Forman Grill last night.  It’s a little on the small side, but it’s just Matt and I, so we don’t need anything huge.  We bought turkey burgers to grill on it, but the patties started out too large to cook more than one at a time.  If we make our own patties, I’m sure we could fit two.