Sunday, January 11, 2015

Master Cleanse, day six

I would kill someone for a cheese burger. I'm actually having to talk myself out of buying a box of White Castle burgers and scarfing the whole thing. And the Cleanse isn't winning by a large margin. I can't even go into my kitchen because I just want to eat everything. It's not that I'm hungry, I just...I don't know. 

I was at work last night, and there was a display of cupcakes, buy one get one, near my register. And I could see myself buying the cupcakes. And eating one whole six pack in a day. And I knew it would make me feel terrible, and that it wouldn't even taste like anything after awhile, but I still wanted them. Want them. 

All this makes me wonder if I'm ready for this. I'm getting a better idea of why I eat, but I don't fully have it yet, nor have I dealt with those issues. I'm not about to throw in the towel, but the fear is still there. 

Oh, and I haven't lost weight. I think I'm the only person who can do the Master Cleanse and not lose weight. 

On the upside, my skin is nice and dewy, which it never has been. 

Friday, January 9, 2015

The Master Cleanse, day four

So I've been doing the Master Cleanse in an attempt to do a few things. I want to lose some weight, of course, but that's just a bit of it. Mainly, I want to get myself primed (more mentally than anything else) for the change in my diet, I want to get all the caffeine out of my system, and I want to work towards kicking my sugar addiction. 

I haven't been hungry, but I'd kill someone for a cheese burger. And fries. Cheddar fries. And a shake. (Can you guess why I'm fat?) So I guess an unintended consiquence of this is that I'm realizing some of the reasons why I eat, even when I'm not hungry. Boredom, when I'm upset, to celebrate--these I knew. But I'm starting to realize some of it is loneliness.  I'm lonely, so I assuage that with McDonald's. I tell myself that it's nice that I'm alone, because I can eat these things I would never eat in front of someone else. I don't have to bother hiding the bags of mini Reese's, isn't that great? So since I'm gonna be alone for a while longer yet, what with school and work, I need to find other, more productive ways to deal with these feelings.  I'm also trying to think back and figure out if this was part of why I put on the weight in the first place. 

So I know I've said this time and again, and that this blog has become a testament to my yo-yo dieting and weightloss over the years, but I'm going to turn over a new, healthier leaf this year. Starting with this Master Cleanse, followed by a modified 4-5 day juice cleanse. Then, since I need things that are quick and mostly premade, I'm doing a modified Slim Fast diet: Shake for breakfast, sandwich or wrap for lunch, salad for dinner. Two snacks (thinking almonds and a cheese stick or yogurt), something small and sweet after dinner, and a high calorie meal once a week. Once I drop 30 pounds, I'm dropping the shakes and modifying my diet so that I'm getting 1600-1800 a day, which is what I'll need to maintain my goal weight. Hopefully this one will work for me. Wish me luck!