Every little step

I’m trying to make myself realize that just because I stumble, doesn’t mean I should throw in the towel. I’m human, and while at times my resolve is strong, there are many times that it’s hardly there at all. I will make mistakes, there will be days that I will give in to my desire not to exercise, and there will be days that I give in to the temptation of food. But I can’t let that define me.

I think I went on about this last year too, but I don’t think I was very good at seeing it through. I kicked myself for all I ate on my birthday for weeks. Of course, that was a terrible day all around, and by that point I already knew my marriage was holding in by a thread. And instead of saying to myself, “Well, I have the gumption to walk a mile or two, I might as well take it,” I decided to just do nothing, since I didn’t have the will to do something that would burn more calories.

Yesterday, in fact, I wanted to walk. I didn’t think I’d be able to go far, but it was a nice day. What did I do? As I was laying in bed, looking out the window, I told myself that I wasn’t going to walk, it wasn’t enough of a calorie burn. I would just have to get myself together and at least do some Turbo Jam. After I finished this sudoko. And guess what I ended up doing. Nothing. And I ate a slice of pizza. Add to all that, last night was crazy stressful at work, and I ended up eating three Milk Duds, and three squares of Ghiradelli chocolate. But I didn’t say, “You know what, I’ve fallen off the wagon, that’s it, I give up” like I have every other time. I had a salad when I got home, got up and walked this morning, and I’m back on track. And I lost two pounds this week (even though I’m up one from Wednesday). So I see this as a win.