Day 18

So I resisted stepping on the scale this morning.  It was difficult, I really wanted to, but I did it.  I’ll weigh myself and take my BFP tomorrow, though.  Then next week is the weigh in, take two.

I got worried yesterday.  Out of no where, this wave of depression just crashed over me.  I think on its own it would have been fine, I’m used to it by now, but the fact that I thought I had the bad ones under control just made it worse.  Normally I wouldn’t be overly bothered by this—sure, I thought I was getting better, but I can deal with it, no big.  But when I get depressed, I eat.  Everything I shouldn’t.  I didn’t binge, which I was so proud of myself over, but what if that doesn’t happen next time?  I’d go to the doctor, but last time I was on an antidepressant, I packed on 20 pounds and felt like I was in a bubble.  All I did was sit in front of the computer all day and eat.  I was actually more depressed on the pills than I was off them.

I bought the exercise ball yesterday, even though I hadn’t gotten to 10 pounds yet.  How I see it, it’s an exercise tool, and I was real close to my reward weight.  I just won’t buy anything when I do lose 10 pounds, because I’ve already bought it.  I do not want to make a habit of doing this, though.

Anywho, I haven’t done any actual exercises with it yet.  I didn’t get home till after 10 last night, so I just had time to blow it up.  But I’m sitting and bouncing on it now, and I might do some more when I get home from work.

I’m going to pop into the gym on the way home from work.  We get a discount on the sign up fee through my job, and the guy I asked at work thinks it’s only about $32 a month.  I won’t be able to sign up for a few months, but if that price is right and I can pay month to month, not have the whole year up at once, I might sign up.  I used to be a member when I was in high school, and it’s a really nice gym.  And your membership comes with something like five free meetings with a trainer.  Even if I don’t go that route, though, there’s still the treadmills, the elliptical machines, the Cybex machines, and there’s a sauna!  I used to love the sauna.  And it makes a nice reward.  I’d tell myself if I worked x amount of time on these machines, I’d get so many minutes in the sauna.