Day by day

So I haven’t yet added in any exercise, but I plan to do that today.  And my original plan of taking things real slow got a major shake up.  My best friend is planning a trip to North Carolina this summer to look at houses (she’s moving there end of summer, early fall), and she’s invited me.  So I’m going to be spending my 25th birthday on the beach (yay!), which means bathing suits (boo!).  I’m still sticking with the idea of not setting a goal weight (as that just tends to put pressure on me), I just want to be as comfortable as I can be.  I’m not planning on being bikini ready, I’m sure I’ll end up in a one piece and a sarong, but I don’t want to spend the whole time thinking that I look like I’ve been beached.

I bought a bunch of yogurts so I have things to munch on when I’m hungry, some fresh fruit and veggies, and a few things of SlimFast.  I’m not really sure how I feel about that.  On the one hand, it feels like cheating, on the other, I don’t see why I’m being so hard on myself.  I really don’t have the money or the time right now to spend on making full, healthy meals.  And besides, if I were to go that route, I would be freaking out over calories, and I don’t want that added pressure right now.  I figure replace two meals a day with shakes, have healthy snacks when I’m hungry, and eat a healthy meal for dinner (I’m not even going to bother counting the calories, I know approximately what’s what).  We’ll see how this works for me.

In the meantime, I’m worried about my sleeping habits.  When Matt and I first separated, I would spend most of the night up; I just couldn’t sleep without him there.  So I would be awake until 3, 4, sometimes 5 am, crash, and sleep until after noon.  Eventually I got to the point where I could sleep without him there, but I’ve still been up until after 1 most nights.  Actually, most nights I’m up until about 2:30, at which point I take a sleeping pill if I’m still up.  Thing is, I don’t want to become dependant on them.  When I don’t take them though, if I have a lot on my mind (which I usually do), I end up getting fitful sleep, tossing and turning, and waking up at the crack of dawn and not being able to fall back asleep.  Like last night (today?) for example: I went to bed at 2:30ish, was up and down most of the night, and woke up at 5:30.  Now I can’t get back to sleep.  I know this is terrible for me, but I don’t know how to fix it.