Day 41

I was able to do a little yoga today, which surprised me.  I really thought all the hanging upside down (or at least bent over) would be the end of me, but apparently not.  I think I’d like to invest in some yoga work out DVDs.  It seems to be something I like.

Today’s going to be an emotionally stressful one.  My great-aunt’s funeral is today.  She passed about two months ago while she, my grandfather, and my grandmother were down in Florida.  They wanted to wait to have the service until they were back in New York, mainly because the family is up here.  Also, I just found out that my mother will be there (something I expected, she knew Mary F years longer than the rest of us).  I haven’t been around my mother in four years.  I don’t want drama, especially not at a funeral, and a part of me wonders if I should just not go, just to make sure that nothing goes down.  My plan is to just ignore her, to stay as far away as possible while still letting my grandfather and grandmother know that I love them and am there, but I can’t be sure as to what she will do.  A part of me wants to just stay stuck to my dad and step-mom, but I’m afraid that’ll cause a different kind of drama later on.  Gah!  On the one hand, I really want to use my illness to beg out of today, pay my respects on my own, because I’m sure Mary F (and my grandparents) would understand.  On the other, I don’t want to have to run from family events (the good and the bad) for the rest of my life just because I’m afraid my mother will make a scene.

So, on top of all this mess, there’s the reception, where there’s bound to be food I shouldn’t be eating, and my brother, my cousins, and myself are going bowling later tonight.  I’m an emotional eater.  And I’m so afraid I’m going to blow my diet to hell and back at one or both places.  Although, with my nerves as they are, I feel too sick to eat.  Maybe that’ll work in my favor.